Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize