come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
