My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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