grandma shit on top of the toilet
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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