I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
