okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Randomize
