Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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