her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
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