Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
