Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
