The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
