It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
