a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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