so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize