Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
