I think I won the penis lottery.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
