the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
did you just send me my own nude
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