ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
