My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
