my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
no, he came in my armpit
question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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