So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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