I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize