12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
