i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
