You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
Randomize
