So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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