he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
