and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
