super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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