then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
Randomize
