OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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