dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
