im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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