It's Friday. Sex?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
