Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Naked. naked and bneed help.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
