He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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