I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
This is the high leading the old right now
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
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