Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize