she looked like the before picture.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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