You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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