I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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