If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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