Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
