Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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