mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
