she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
