literally had 100 drinks last night.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
