I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
