I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
