There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
