I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
