Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
