You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize