sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
Randomize
