Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
