Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Randomize
