I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
