There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize