At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Blood and glitter go together right?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
