I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
if i died would you start the facebook group?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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