Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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